Episode 48 - White Van Man

Frankie reached across to the empty passenger seat and picked a new CD from the bag, that’s more like it, he thought, a good blast of Rod Stewart to help the journey go quicker. To the sounds of Maggie May blaring from the speakers Frankie wound down the window of his van and lit a cigarette.

For Frankie life didn’t get any better than this, in this monthly trip he was making more money than he had for years. It wasn’t only what his sister Lizzie was paying him to bring her stock down from London, though he had to admit that she was probably paying him over the odds for the trip, no it was the nice little sideline he had going for the return trip. It hadn’t taken Frankie long to realise that driving back to the UK with an empty van didn’t make sense. Not when he could load the van with cheap Spanish booze and cigarettes to sell at a handsome profit back in Essex.

This sideline in contraband had started innocently enough with a few cases of beer for a mate’s party but had soon escalated to the point now where he was supplying a number of clubs around his home town with wine and spirits at far less than they could buy legitimately. And even the smoking ban hadn’t dented his trade in smuggled cigarettes around the local car boot sales. No, Frankie was a happy man, he had money in his pocket and as long as Lizzie wasn’t serious about getting Ken to find a new supplier he was content to carry on doing the run for as long as he could.

He was getting more careful with his route now though. No sense in getting Customs suspicious, his paperwork was all in order for the outward journey but he had seen too many vans being stopped on the homeward ferries to get complacent. So now he was varying his route across the channel and there were enough ports in France to ensure that he wasn’t spotted as a regular traveller by some over enthusiastic Customs Officer. Tapping his hands on the steering wheel to the strains of Maggie May Frankie smiled to himself, it wasn’t for nothing that his mates had started calling him Frankie the Fox, it took cunning to outwit the authorities and with his luck Frankie was confident that with only another couple of trips he would be able afford that nice little motor he had his eye on. Foxy by name he thought, Foxy by nature.

As he approached the village Frankie used his mobile to phone Ken, ‘Kenny on my way in, do you want this stuff at the shop or in the garage?’

‘Bring round to the villa, Lizzie wants it loading in the garage so that she can get it unpacked before we take down to the shop.’

‘OK mate, no problem I should be with you in about 10 minutes. Get the beer out the fridge I’m on my way.’

Ken was unlocking the garage as Frankie pulled up in his white van and handing him the cold bottle of beer Ken started the laborious business of unloading the new stock from the back of the van.

‘I’ll bet you’ll be glad to see the back of this lot’ said Ken as he stacked the last box in the garage.

‘Nah’ said Frankie settling himself on a sun lounger ‘now I’ve got a proper lock on the van doors I’m not worried. Bit hairy for the first few runs though. Never really felt safe having a kip in the service areas on the motorways knowing that any bastard might come along and rob me blind while I slept. But it would take more than a set of bolt cutters to get this lock of now.’ He laughed.

‘Well you won’t have to worry about that for much longer. Lizzie thinks that she has found a new supplier for her stuff. Apparently the Chinese firm she has been getting her stuff from use an importer in Gibraltar so she has got me looking for a local delivery firm to bring the stuff up from there.’

Frankie knocked over the sun lounger as he stood up quickly ‘What are you talking about new supplier; I thought I told you that I would carry on bringing the stuff over.’

‘Calm down mate’ said Ken backing away

‘Never mind calm down’ roared Frankie ‘I told Lizzie last time that I need this job to get my stuff back to the UK’

‘I’m sorry mate but we’re not running this business just so you can play at being a smuggler.’

‘You stupid old man, this isn’t a game. I’m supplying some very hard men back home and they aren’t going to take kindly to finding out that their supply of cheap booze is going to dry up.’

‘I’m sorry Frankie but that isn’t our problem. Don’t you realise that you have been pushing your luck carrying so much stuff back. It’s only a matter of time before Customs find out what you’re up to.’

Frankie lurched forward and grabbed ken around the neck ‘Is that a threat old man?’

Using all his strength Ken pulled Frankie’s hands away ‘No you mad bastard, it’s a warning. You’ve been luck so far but it can’t last for ever. You’re defrauding the tax man and they aren’t stupid. It won’t be long before they’ll get on to you. Too many people know what you’re up to and all you have to do is upset one of them and they’ll shop you.’

‘Don’t you worry about me. I know what I’m doing.’

‘That’s the problem Frankie, you don’t. Don’t you realise that if you are caught it’s not only you that’ll be going down for this? If Customs find you with the stuff they are going to ask themselves why you’re making all these trips and it won’t take them long to put two and two together and make five. Then they’ll start looking at me and Lizzie and think that we are part of this racket. It’s not just you that could be looking at a stretch for this. No Frankie, this is it, it’s over. And you’ll just have to get over it.’

‘We’ll see about that old man. Don’t think that this is the end of it.’ Said Frankie

Ken was shaking as he watched his brother-in-law climb into the van and slam it into gear before screeching off through the gates of Los Vista trailing a cloud of dust behind him.

Episode 40 - Lizzie’s little empire is growing

Ken stood in his garage surrounded by boxes and boxes of Lizzie’s stock for her stall. Bloody hell, he thought she’s got enough gear here to set up half a dozen stalls. He was amazed how much stuff she was managing to sell, though he wouldn’t dream of telling her how well he thought she was doing. His philosophy was to keep quiet and hope that this latest fad of hers would just disappear but even he had to admit as plans go, it was not one of his best.

Lizzie’s stall was going from strength to strength and even if Ken did think that the hours she spent on the phone to her brother Frankie arranging delivery of new stock was a pain, he had admit that the extra income was very welcome. If only he could find his golf clubs under all the clutter.

‘What are you doing, I hope you haven’t moved any of them boxes. You’ll ruin my filing system’ shrieked Lizzie as she walked into the garage.

‘What bleeding filing system? It’s like a jumble sale out here.’ Ken moaned

‘What are you doing out here anyway’

‘I’m trying to find my bloody golf clubs. Have you hidden them again?’

‘You left them in the downstairs cloakroom after you’d finished washing the clubs in the sink. They’ve been there for the past two days’ Lizzie stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. ‘And don’t forget to put those boxes back where you found them’

Ken muttered to himself as he shoved two of the boxes across the floor with his foot. ‘I thought that you were supposed to be looking for a lock-up for this stuff?’

‘Well you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve gone one better than that. I’ve just been talking to the estate agent in the village. Do you remember that little shop we saw empty, the one just behind the market?’

‘What, the old electrical shop, the tatty looking place?’

‘It’s not that bad, nothing a lick of paint wouldn’t put right, well I’ve said that we’ll take the lease up on it.’

‘You’ve done what’ yelled Ken fighting his way through the boxes ‘and just where do you think the money is coming from? I hope you don’t think it’s coming out of the savings.’

‘Don’t bust a gasket, I’m not touching your precious savings. There’s enough cash coming in to lease the shop for six months and some left over to tidy it up. Frankie said that he would come over with a couple of mates and give me a hand to do it.’

‘Frankie, I might have known. Why is it that your brother always seems to know what’s going on before I do?’ yelled Ken

‘Because he shows some bloody interest, that’s why.’

Lizzie looked at Ken as he stood there seething.

‘If you showed some interest I’d love to be doing all this with you. But all you ever do is tell me that I’m going to make a fool of myself. At least Frankie has some faith in me.’

‘Oh Lizzie, I don’t want to you fail. I’m really pleased that your business is going well. I just wanted us to move to Spain and spend more time together, not have you working all hours and never get to see you.’

Lizzie put her arms around Ken shoulders and kissed him gently on his check. ‘You soft sod, that’s all I want too. So why don’t we do this together, let’s run our own business. I can do the selling and you can be in charge of getting the deliveries over from England.’

‘What driving backwards and forwards each month?’ Asked Ken horrified.

‘No silly, I mean dealing with the suppliers and shippers, stuff like that.’

‘I suppose I could give you a hand doing up the shop as well, if you like.’

‘Ah babe, that’d be great. Do you fancy coming down to the village with me this afternoon to see it? I told the estate agent I would be there about five o’clock. This is so exciting, our very own shop. What should we call it?’

‘Gawd knows. I’m surprised you haven’t got a name already.’ laughed Ken.

‘I was thinking of something classy like E J Interiors.’

‘Yeah, not bad’ pondered Ken ‘But not really you.’

‘Of course it’s me EJ - Elizabeth Jessel’

‘But nobody calls you Elizabeth.’

‘Alright clever clogs, you think of a name.’

Ken sighed and sat down on the nearest box ‘I don’t know, how about Lizzie’s Loot.’

‘That makes me sound like a bank robber.’ Laughed Lizzie ‘how about Lizzie’s Loft’

‘That’s great. I love it, Lizzie’s Loft, I’ll drink to that.’


***

‘Where do you want these boxes sis’ asked Frankie as he started unloading the van outside the villa.

‘Just put them in the garage for now. Ken will sort them out later.’

‘Where is the old sod, down at the club as usual?’

‘No he isn’t.’ snapped Lizzie ‘he’s at the shop finishing off the painting.’

‘I thought that you wanted my mates over to do that?’ asked Frankie as he finished emptying the van.

‘No need, Ken’s been brilliant. There’s only the flooring to lay now and the it’ll be ready for me to start dressing it.’

‘Dressing it’ exclaimed her brother ‘you sound like one of them property shows off the tele.’

‘Well that’s what it’s like. You have to make people want to buy your stuff and the best way to do that is show people what it would look like in their own homes.’

‘I don’t believe you sis. You’re turning into a right little Alan Sugar.’

‘You’d better believe it Frankie. This time next year, who knows, we could have a whole string of shops along the coast. There are plenty of ex-pats buying property out here and it isn’t just the Brits. There are Germans, Dutch, Swedes and loads from the old communist countries. And not everyone wants to ship there stuff all the way out to Spain, they want to get new stuff here.’

‘Well good luck to you but at this rate I’ll have to buy a bigger van.’

‘Oh Frankie love I wouldn’t expect you to carry on bringing the stuff out for me. Now I’ve got the shop to run Ken is going to be in charge of all the buying and with the bigger orders we can put in to the suppliers I’m sure that he’ll be able to do a deal over the shipping costs.’

Frankie looked at his sister in horror. These trips to Spain each month had proved a nice little earner for him. Not only was Lizzie paying him to bring her stuff out but filling the van for the return trip with cheap Spanish beer and spirits had been very profitable around the car boot sales at home. He would have to think fast to convince his miserable brother-in-law to keep things exactly they were they were. Frankie knew that he had too much to loose to let this nice little arrangement stop.

Episode 26 - The Grand Opening

Ken groaned as he lifted the last box from the van ‘Where do you want this one putting?’

‘Just leave it on the trestle table babe, I’ll unpack it in a minute’ Lizzie called from the back of the van.

As much as it pained him, Ken had to admit that Lizzie was thriving on all this hard work. She had spent hours securing this pitch in the market, and days sorting all the stuff that Frankie had sent out from England. Though, who would want to buy this stuff god only knows. Who wants a picture of rocks on their wall? He thought for the tenth time this morning.

‘You’ve got some strange clobber here Lizzie, are you sure you’re going to be able to flog it?’’

‘What do you mean strange, this is classy stuff’ said Lizzie pushing her fringe out of her eyes, ’it’ll sell like hot cakes, have some faith’ Not now she thought, please don’t start with the negative comments not when I can see Michael and Sonny coming over. ‘Hi boys, see anything you fancy, I haven’t quite finished setting the stall out yet though, give me another five minutes and all will be revealed’ she giggled.

‘You do realise that it’s a waste of time flirting with those two’ moaned Ken as Sonny and Michael made their way over to the fruit stall. Lizzie looked to heaven ‘Oh shut up you soft sod and take this box off me’

It was nearly half an hour later before Lizzie had the stall looking exactly how she wanted it. The pictures and the wall hangings were grouped along the back while the table had the cushions neatly on display to left, ornaments in the centre and large bowls of potpourri to the right. As she finished setting out the plastic wine goblets on a tray she asked Ken to fetch the orange juice and the Cava from the cool box. At the far end of the market Ken spotted Sonny and Michael heading for their car. ‘It looks like your boyfriends have given up waiting for you’ said Ken plonking the bottle down on the stall.

‘Michael’ yelled Lizzie ‘Sonny, you can’t go home yet, come and have some Bucks Fizz?’

‘Lovely, I could just do with a drink’ called Sonny pulling Michal away from the car ‘We’ll be right over’

I’m sorry about earlier’ said Lizzie as she passed them their drinks. ‘We didn’t realise how long it would take to set this all up. We’ll need to be here by seven o’clock next week if we have a hope in hell of being ready for a nine o’clock start.

Ken looked at her from over the top of his sunglasses ‘that’ll be the royal we I suppose’

Michael laughed ‘I’m sure you’ll get quicker. You’ve got some lovely stuff Liz. I’ve been looking everywhere for new cushions and these would look perfect on our spare bed. What do you think Sonny, isn’t this the most perfect shade of blue.’

‘You’re right they’re a perfect match for the lampshades, why don’t we get two, make the bed look really plush’ said Sonny choosing two satin cushions.

Liz hurriedly wrapped up his selection. ‘This is just the start boys. I’m getting new deliveries all the time. You must promise to check out the stall again next week, see if there is anything else you fancy’

‘I love those wall hangings’ said Sonny making his way to the back of the stall. ‘Maybe we could measure up the hall for this ruby coloured one’

‘Just give me a ring if you want me to put it away for you’

‘Oh what gorgeous potpourri’ Ken turned to see Gloria Westbury pulling Malcolm over to the stall, ‘that’s just what I wanted for the big bowl on the coffee table in the lounge’ Ken and Malcolm exchanged glances, Ken opened the coolbox and pulled out two bottles of beer. ‘Malc me old son, I think that you’d better come and sit in the shade with this. I think your missus might be here a while’

‘I can’t see the fascination with potpourri myself.’ Said Malcolm, taking the welcome bottle of cold beer from Ken. ‘seems mad to me, having bits of coloured wood shavings stinking the place out. But what do I know.’

‘I’m with you on that one Malc.’ Ken said as he finished his beer. ‘Fancy another one of those?’ he said holding out the empty bottle.

‘Not for me old chap thanks all the same. Have to keep a clear head, playing a round with old Turnbridge this afternoon.’

‘’Do you see much of Martin at the club?’

‘Not since his heart attack. Apparently doctors orders, no golf for 3 months.’

‘Poor bugger, far too young for a heart attack’

‘Too much stress I imagine’ said Malcolm conspiratorially ‘Fliss was telling Gloria that he had been having some business problems. All very hush hush of course.’

‘Of course old son, my lips are sealed.’

‘If you’ve finished your beer Malcolm we’d better get going. You know that Reg Turnbull doesn’t like to be kept waiting at the first tee.’ said Gloria picking up her parcels from the stall.

‘Just coming my love.’ answered Malcolm handing his empty bottle back to Ken. ‘Thanks for that old chap.’

‘No problem Malc, see you soon.’

By one o’clock as the market traders were packing away their stalls Lizzie was thrilled to find that she had sold nearly half of her stock.

‘I can’t believe it Babe, at this rate I’ll have my shop before you know it.’

‘Don’t get too carried away Lizzie. It’s only been one day. Let’s see how things go over the next few weeks.’

‘For god sake Ken. Couldn’t you just say well done? Why do you always have to be so bloody miserable about everything I do?’ Yelled Lizzie

‘I’m not being miserable. I’m being practical. We don’t want to pay out all that money for a shop if you’re not going to sell anything.’

‘I’ll show you Ken Jessel. I’ll make a go of this business if it’s the last thing I do.’

‘That’s what I’m worried about’ muttered Ken

Episode 22 - Reluctant Retirement

Ken rolled over on to his back and blinked against the brightness of the morning sun. Far too much to drink last night, he thought ruefully, have to start cutting back, don’t want to end up like Martin, nearly pegging out at your own birthday party.

‘Pass me the suntan lotion babe’ he called out to Lizzie who was busy watering the flower beds around the patio. ‘You know it’s a waste of time doing the watering now you should leave it until the evening when its cooler’

‘I don’t want to leave it, I want to do it now’ Lizzie answered through gritted teeth.

‘But I’ve told you before. You’re just wasting your time by this evening the soil will be rock hard and you’ll have to do it all over again

‘So I’ll do it again, what’s your problem? I’m not asking you to do it am I and let’s face it it’s not as if I’ve got much else to do.

‘Don’t start that again babe, why can’t you just learn to relax. That’s what retirement is all about isn’t it, taking it easy, enjoying the sunshine, having a drink when you want one. Don’t you think that I deserve a bit of peace after all those years driving a cab around London? And look what happens when you don’t know how to relax, you end up like poor old Martin. Just think he’s five years younger than me, far too young to have a heart attack’

‘I don’t begrudge you your retirement Ken but I’m too young too young to be doing nothing all day, I’m bored. I’m not ready to retire. I need something to do with myself, I want to keep busy. All this sitting round is driving me up the bleeding wall.’ She shrieked as she grabbed the suntan lotion from the table ‘Here and put your hat on or your brains will boil in this heat’

Ken looked at Lizzie standing over him waving the bottle like a club to hit him with. His wife left him baffled sometimes, after all the years of hard work providing for his family the best way he knew, he just couldn’t understand why Lizzie wanted to start working all over again. He was quite happy with his life just the way it was, thank you very much.

‘What kind of something were you thinking about then,’ Ken asked as he pulled himself upright ‘charity work?’

‘No not charity work, you plank, I want something of my own, a business’

‘Didn’t you have enough of work when we lived in Ilford? You were always moaning about working all hours in the hairdressers’

‘But that was my sister’s salon that was her business, not mine. I want to do something for myself’

‘And where is the money coming from to set up this business?’ Ken asked

‘Don’t start Ken. You know we are comfortable for money. When we sold our house on the Cranbrook Road we made a very tidy profit’

‘But that has to last us for the rest of our lives Lizzie. We can’t afford to loose it’

‘Well thanks for having so much faith in me’ Lizzie cried’ what you makes you think that my business would loose money, you never know it could make us rich’

‘How many people get rich from hairdressing, your sister certainly didn’t’

‘Who said I wanted to do hairdressing? And anyway, you know that Lottie is sitting on a gold mine. The hairdressing mightn’t make her rich but the shop and the flat above it are worth a bomb now, especially with the 2012 Olympics. She’s planning on renting them out and making a fortune. No, I’ve been thinking about this and I want to open a shop’

Ken looked up at her in disbelief ‘What do you know about running a shop?’

‘I know what people want and that has to be a good start. Look at the all people who move out here from the UK, they buy villas and apartments with bare white walls and spend ages trying to make them more homely. Well I thought if I could have a shop that sold pictures, rugs and trendy ornaments I would clean up.’

Lizzie sat down on the lounger next to Ken and looked into his eyes. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for ages babe, people like to have things that are trendy and modern in these new villas but there is nowhere around here to buy them. I could start off small by bringing a few things over from England and selling them in the Market and if the demand is there then we could start looking around for something more permanent’

‘How long have you been hatching up this little plan?’ Ken grumbled as he stood up ‘and when were you planning on letting me in on the secret’

‘Don’t be like that babe. It’s just something I was talking to Frankie about’

‘Frankie, I might have known you brother was involved somehow’

‘He’s not involved with anything’ Lizzie sighed ‘I just wanted to have it all thought through before I told you’

‘Oh so you did intend telling me then. I suppose I should be grateful that you didn’t raid my bank account first and then tell me what you’re up to.’ Ken shouted as he stormed into the house.

Lizzie raced after him yelling ‘Your bank account!! Since when was it your bloody bank account’

‘All right stopping yelling at me, our bank account’ Ken turned to look at Lizzie ‘I just wish that you had spoken to me before Frankie, that’s all’

‘And would it have made any difference? You’d still have thought I was mad. I have really thought about this Kenny’ she cajoled ‘It will work, I know it will’

‘The next thing you’ll be telling me is that your Frankie has arranged for stuff to be shipped out already’

Lizzie smiled as she kissed Ken on the cheek ‘He should be here with the first van load on Tuesday’