Episode 57 - All the lonely people

I had a lovely time last night. Some of the young Mums from the school arranged a girls’ night out. Yes I know that they are a lot younger than me, but we all seem to enjoy the same things, good food, stimulating conversation and the opportunity to get out of the house for a while and pretend that we are grown ups.

I don’t think that Martin was too amused though. He went out to the golf club as soon as I left the house, it’s a shame that he never wanted to take me out on a Friday night. I was supposed to be grateful for a quick drink in the club house after golf on Saturday, if I was lucky. Well I’m sorry but I have finally started to take control of my life and I’m enjoying it. I suppose that this is what being an independent woman is all is about.

Talking about independent women, I must give Clara Hale a ring soon. I haven’t seen her for ages, come to think of it I haven’t even seen her at the market, I hope she’s OK. It’s lovely that she is getting on so well with Michael. Gloria was saying that he has been really good to Clara, taking her shopping and even having her over for lunch once a week. With everything he’s been through lately I’m amazed that he can still be so thoughtful of others.

I phoned Michael earlier to ask how Clara was but Michael said that he hadn’t seen her since last week. Apparently they were having lunch together when the police called for him to go to the station. He’d left Clara to lock up the house and walk back to the village because he didn’t know how long he was going to be with the police. But he said that he’d phoned her later that evening and that she sounded fine then.

Gloria said that she hasn’t seen Clara for a while either so maybe she is poorly, well no time like the present I’ll give her a ring now if only to put my own mind at rest.

That’s strange her phone is just ringing out. I would have thought that she would be home now, after all it is lunch time and I know that if she does go shopping it is always of a morning before the siesta. Maybe there’s a problem with her phone, well the only way to find out is to go down and see if she is alright. It’s a lovely day and the walk will do me good.

It’s been ages since I’ve had the time to walk down to the village. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking after Grace and Olivia for Sophie. Not that that is a hardship, I absolutely love being able to see so much of them. When we first moved out here I missed my little granddaughters dreadfully, they are so adorable. Even so it is nice to have a day all to myself when I can catch up with my friends. I suppose I should be spending it with Martin as he is only home for the weekend but he has his golf today and I probably won’t see him until this evening when he will want picking up from the club house.

I wonder if I’ll see Paolo working on his farm, I hope not, that chapter in my life is well and truly over. I nearly fainted when Ella told me how he had been flirting with her and how she might have been tempted by him if she hadn’t have been so in love with Frank. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that he’s a free agent and that I have no right to be sanctimonious about this but did he have to pick my daughter to make a move on, for heaven’s sake it’s no time since we were rolling around in the hay together. What is that man’s problem, is he looking to bed the whole of my family, is he going to hit on Sophie next? No it’s best I don’t see him for a long time or I’ll have to learn enough Spanish to be able to tell him what a randy old bastard I think he is.

It’s a good job I didn’t drive down here today. I’d forgotten that there is a fiesta in the village this weekend. The police have been busy with the traffic cones and a lot of the side streets have been closed off for the procession. It would have been a nightmare finding a parking space by Clara’s house.

That’s strange, her curtains are still drawn, maybe she is still in bed.

‘Clara are you there, is everything OK?’ I call at the front door.

‘Senora are you calling for Senora Hale?’

Clara’s next door neighbour calls leaning at of her first floor window.

‘Yes Aina, have you seen her today’

‘No I think that she has gone away her curtains have been closed all week and I haven’t heard moving about in her house.’

‘That’s strange Michael didn’t mention that she was going away and I’m sure that she would have told him. I’m getting worried now. Is there any way that we can get to the back of her house?’ I ask

‘Yes Senora down the little alleyway and through the gate at the end. Would you like me to come with you?’

I have a terrible feeling about this and I must admit that I’m grateful that I don’t have to do this on my own.

Aina has come round with her husband Bernardo and it is with some trepidation that the three of us make our way down the narrow passage between the houses.

‘I’m sure that Senora Hale is fine’ says Bernardo, not looking sure at all ‘it was only the other evening that her friend called to see her and I’m sure that he would have said if she was unwell.’

Letting ourselves into the pretty little courtyard I try the kitchen door and find that it is unlocked. The kitchen is dark with the curtains closed and the three of us are fumbling around before Aina opens up the curtains and Bernardo and I walk through to the hall.

And that’s when we see her. Clara’s twisted dead body is lying on the cold hall tiles. Before we can stop her Aina follows us through the kitchen and her screams are drowned out by the band walking in the road outside leading the procession through the village.

Episode 54 - Ella's secret

I’m thinking of having a revolving door fitted to the villa.

So far in the past twelve months I have gone from living on my own all week to having Martin here of a weekend, then Sophie and her family and Ella come over for Martin’s party, then Sophie and the girls came to stay when their house in London was sold, and Alistair was backwards and forwards from Brussels. Then they moved out to their new house and Ella came to stay then we went on holiday then Ella and Frank came to stay now they’ve gone and it’s just me again waiting for Martin to come home at the weekend!

My head is spinning with all the coming and going, I should have a chart on the wall so I know who to expect next, all I need now is for some distant cousin to pop out of the woodwork looking for a cheap holiday in Spain and I will scream…

Ella and Frank very nearly missed their flight last night. I kept telling them that they should check their flight times but did they listen. No they bloody didn’t. They were far too busy exploring the village and taking long walks in the hills. It was nearly six o’clock before they eventually checked their tickets and found out that they only had half an hour to be at the airport. You wouldn’t believe the panic that set in and Ella’s language! it made me blush so god knows what it what doing to the holy Father. They were in a right tizz getting the car loaded and the way that Ella drove off you’d have thought that she was competing in the grand prix.

Sophie and the girls seem to be settling into their new house. It’s a shame that Alistair can’t get to be with them as much as he would like but apparently he is tied up with a big trial in The Hague at the moment. Sophie is hoping that he will be able to get home for a few days at the end of the month. I don’t know how she is managing to cope with everything on her own. She moved into their new house with the girls last week and hasn’t had a moment to herself since then. She’s been busy trying to make the house more homely and seems to have spent every evening either decorating or gardening. It’s a good job that she has Liam and Cassy so close by, at least she isn’t up their totally isolated and she says that young Ollie has been a great help with some of the heavy lifting and stuff.

I’ve tried my best to help her with the girls so at least she doesn’t have to worry about them during the day while she is working. I’ve become a regular now on the school run and have made lots of friends with the other Mums waiting at the school gates. We are hoping to organise a fund raising committee for the little village school. The head teacher would like to be able to take the older children on field trips and we are trying to raise enough for them to have their own minibus. So that should keep me out of mischief for a while.

Oh damn the phone’s ringing, it’s probably Martin calling to ask me to arrange his golf for the weekend.

‘’Hello Mum’

‘Ella how lovely I thought you were Dad’

‘Is he OK?’

‘Yes he’s fine, its just that he usual calls mid week with a list of things that he wants me to get done before he come home at the weekend.’

‘’You’ll have to start charging him for secretarial duties’ laughed Ella’

‘Don’t you dare suggest it to him or he’ll have me glued to the lap top all day working on his spread-sheets. Talking about work have you settled back in to the routine after our wonderful holiday?’

‘Yes unfortunately. I was only saying to Frank this afternoon that two weeks back at the coal face and it feels like I’ve never been away.’

‘You poor thing. I’ll have to come over soon and spoil you with lots of home cooking.’

‘That’s sounds great Mum and I know that Frank would love to see you again.’

‘He seems a really nice chap, you’re lucky to have such a good friend.’

‘I know he’s so sweet he’s even asked if he can take me out to supper this week.’

‘Ella I hope you don’t think that I’m being silly but is it normal, for a priest to take a beautiful young girl out for supper?’

‘Oh Mum we’re just good friends and what’s wrong with friends going out for a meal together? When we were in Madrid we went out together for meals all the time.’

‘But that was different darling, we were on holiday and let’s face it you had me tagging along every night.’

‘Mum stop it, you’re making this sound really sordid. Frank and I are friends and that’s all there is to it. I’ll admit that he is rather dishy in a quiet intelligent kind of way but there is no way that we can ever be more than what we are now, good friends.’

‘Ella don’t shout at me. I’m only concerned for you, for both of you in fact. I can see the way that you look at him, I’m not completely stupid. I was young once as well you know. I just don’t want you to get hurt.’

‘Don’t worry about me Mum. I know that I’ll never have the kind of relationship with Frank that I would love to have so I’m prepared to settle for what I have now.’

‘So you do love him then?’

‘With all my heart but he must never know that or I could loose him. So please Mum, don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, not even Dad.’

‘Of course darling, I won’t tell a soul but promise me you’ll be careful, take it from me, a broken heart takes a lot of healing.’

‘Don’t worry Mum I’m a big girl now.’ Laughed Ella

‘I know darling, that’s what I’m worried about.’

Episode 49 - Two's company?

This has been a fabulous trip, I just love this country. It’s such a shame that the majority of foreign tourists only go to the costas because there is so much more to Spain than just the beautiful beaches.

I absolutely loved the drive through the mountains. The scenery was breathtaking and then finding places like the wonderful castle at Almansa was so special. Every day there were new sights to see. Like wandering through the steep narrow streets in Alcala del Jucar and spotting the spectacular views of the steep gorge far below the city. One of my favourite towns was Belmont, which has a special quiet beauty on the famous Don Quijote trail. But if I really had to choose the most interesting place we’ve been to so far, it would have to be Toledo. It is absolutely magical.

When we were in Toledo I started chatting to a young Dutch couple who are trying to visit as many cities that have been awarded Capital of Culture as they can. They were so cute, they are travelling around in a battered VW camper van and look like they could do with a good meal but that hasn’t stopped them getting about. They started their journey earlier this year in Liverpool so they could enjoy the start of the 08 celebrations before heading north up to Glasgow. Then it was back across the channel and down France to Lille, then across to Porto. And now they are in Spain and have been to Salamanca.

I would love to see Salamanca even if it does sound like a character from a James Bond movie. Apparently has been designated a world heritage site and has the oldest University in Europe. I must admit I hadn’t realised that Spain has the second most UNESCO World Heritage sites in the world, but I think that I’ll have to leave visiting them for another trip, we’ve here in Madrid for another two days and then we’ll have to start making our way home. Martin is due home next weekend and Ella will have to get back to London for work next week but if I’m honest I would love to find myself a battered old campervan and take to the road.

Ella laughs at my daydreams of spending the summer driving around from one site to another without a care in world. She keeps asking if I’m having a mid-life crisis, cheeky bugger, I just long for the freedom to go where I want when I want without having to worry about anyone or anything. I’m probably turning into an old hippy, well a girl can dream can’t she?

I don’t know, maybe I’m getting a bit old for roughing it on campsites. Ella has really done a marvellous job of organising this holiday and I’ve been spoilt staying in some lovely hotels. Bless her, she even managed to book us into a parador, I have always wanted to stay in one and this was just wonderful.
It was a castle the Virrey de Toledo. I felt like a princess but even the little country pensions we stopped over in were lovely. The swankiest place we have stayed in so far has to be this hotel in Madrid. It’s right in the middle of the city and has a garden terrace and joy of joys, a pool. Can you believe it, an hotel with a pool right in the heart of the city. I had a long cooling dip in it after lunch today, absolute bliss.

Ella and Fr Frank have gone to another lecture this afternoon. I had enough this morning. Don’t get me wrong it was very interesting but a lot of it went right over my head. It isn’t as if I don’t have sympathy for the homeless and I have so much admiration for the work that Ella and Fr Frank do in London but I couldn’t take another three hours of sitting in a dark lecture without dropping off. Does that make me a bad person? Probably but what the hell, the sun’s shining, the shops are open and I’ve got a credit card burning a hole in my purse so I’m off to make a dent in the overdraft and look for a nice picture for the villa as a souvenir of the holiday.

I’m not sure what time Ella is due back but I’ve arranged to meet them both in the hotel restaurant at nine o’clock. Ella was right by the way, Fr Frank is a lovely chap but what she didn’t tell me was how young he is. There was I expecting a middle aged priest in a flowing black gown and in walked a handsome young chap in a black suite. If it hadn’t have been for the dog collar I would have thought he was a young City banker. I do wish she’d warned me, I must have looked a right fool standing there with my mouth open!

I wish I knew what I should call him, Ella just calls him Frank but I don’t want him to think that I’m being disrespectful. It does seem mad though, calling someone young enough to be my son, Father. Not that I’ve seen much of them. They have been spending a lot of time at the conference centre, that’s why I suggested that we could all meet for supper this evening. He has arranged a full day of site seeing around Madrid for us tomorrow and I didn’t fancy spending so much time with someone I barely knew. So this evening will be a good opportunity for me to get to know him a bit better.

It’s funny when you see him Ella together. They get on like an old married couple. They have so much in common, their jobs at the homeless hostel, their love of travelling and even their taste in music. It’s strange to think that they can never be a proper couple and I must admit I’ve wondered if the circumstances were different if they would be together. Oh well I suppose we’ll never know, he’s a priest and that’s that. At least they seem to have a wonderful friendship and that’s more than some people get in a lifetime together.

Episode 43 - Summer Holiday

I can’t believe I’m standing here in my bedroom looking at a pile of dresses strewn across the bed trying to decide what to pack for my holidays. It’s like being a teenager all over again. If I’m not careful I will pack so much stuff that I won’t be able to close my case.

I wonder what Ella is taking, probably just a small holdall if I know her. She’ll think I’m mad to even be worrying about what to take but I don’t want to embarrass her by looking too mumsy.

I’m really looking forward to this holiday with her. It will be lovely to get away from the villa for a couple of weeks. I don’t seem to have had anytime to myself for the past few months what with Martin’s illness and now Sophie and the girls moving in until their house is finished. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining but it will be nice to be away from everything for a while.

Martin is back working in London during the week now and only home for the weekends but he is being a lot more sensible about the traveling. He is only away for three nights a week rather than four and isn’t dashing off for the plane at some unearthly hour on a Monday morning anymore. I’m not sure how long all this will last before he starts slipping back into his old ways, or is that me just being mean?

‘Mum, what are you doing? You’ve got enough clothes out for two months never mind two weeks. I’m sure Ella won’t be worried about what you’re wearing.’ Says Sophie walking into my bedroom carrying a cup of coffee ‘here, I thought that you might need a caffeine hit.’

Thank you darling, I’m getting myself into such a muddle. Do you think that we’ll need to dress for dinner of an evening?’

Sophie stands by the bed laughing at my confusion ‘Do you really think that Ella will have booked hotels that have a dress code. Knowing her you’re more likely to have rooms in B&Bs and little road side inns. You’re probably best to pack lots of cool things for the traveling and a couple of pretty dresses just in case.’

‘You’re right, I’m just being silly, but this is exciting. It’s been ages since I’ve been on holiday. Dad isn’t that keen on going away anymore. He says that he has everything here with the sunshine and the golf and the beaches and I suppose he’s right in a way. After all they were the kind of holidays that we used to take after you girls had left home, golfing trips to the med, a nice hotel for me and a selection of good courses for him. The trouble is I think that I want a bit more than that now. I fancy traveling and site seeing again. Do you remember some of the trips we took when you and Ella were teenagers? Going to see the pyramids in Egypt, that wonderful Caribbean cruise and driving around Italy. We had some wonderful times together.’ I sigh wistfully

‘I remember being stuck in the back of the car with Ella having to listen to Enid Blyton tapes for hours on end while you and Dad argued about how to get out of Florence before the rush hour started.’ Laughed Sophie

‘Oh you rotten thing’ I laugh throwing a cushion at her ‘we had some really lovely holidays. I remember you falling I love with that young waiter in our hotel in Rome. You used to spend hours choosing what to eat so that you could stare at him over the menu. What was his name?’

‘Luigi, Isn’t it funny I’d forgotten all about him. Oh my, he was so handsome and I had such a crush on him.’

‘And didn’t he know it. He used to flirt outrageously with you. I thought that Dad was going to blow his top when he asked if he could take you dancing.’

‘And I was mortified when Dad came over all masterful and said in his most pompous voice ‘do you realise my daughter’s only thirteen’ I’ve never seen a boy move so fast.’ Laughed Sophie, the tears running down her face.

Standing here looking at Sophie I can’t believe the difference in her since she and Alistair decided to move out here to Spain. It’s like having my old daughter back again. She is so happy and relaxed, not at all like the stressed over-worked monster that was out here for her Dad’s birthday. She looks so pretty in her shorts and t-shirt, so carefree and young again. Is it just me or does every woman in a business suit age 10 years?

‘What are you day dreaming about now Mum?’

‘You, my love. You look so happy, I’m so glad you’re here’

‘I’m glad too Mum, it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. I know that I still don’t get to see Alistair as much as I’d like to but hopefully when he transfers to Madrid we’ll at least get to see him every weekend.’

‘And talking of Madrid I’d better get this packing finished before your sister arrives. Are you still OK to collect her from the airport?’

‘Yes it’s all arranged. I’m collecting the girls from school first then driving straight out to the airport. They are so excited about seeing their favourite Auntie again even if is only for one night.’

‘They’ll have plenty of time with her when we get back from our travels, she isn’t due back at work until the end of the month.’

‘I envy you Mum exploring the mountain villages and trips to Toledo and Madrid. You’re going to have such a good time even if you do have to go to that boring conference.’ Said Sophie

‘I think it sounds very interesting’ I say defensively ‘and I’m looking forward to meeting Ella’s friend.’

‘Father Frank? Do you know anything about him?’

‘Only that he’s young, in his first parish and is very committed to his parishioners’.’

Sounds a barrel of laughs’

‘Ella says that he’s really sweet and he’s looking forward to showing us around Madrid after the conference. I’m sure that we’ll have a lovely time I just don’t know what I should call him. I haven’t met that many priest before. Will I have to call him Father?’

Sophie looks at me and laughs ‘I think that you should stop worrying to learn to chill.’

She’s right of course, no more worrying, we’re all going to have a lovely time and I’m going to learn to chill.

‘

Episode 39 - Getting back to normal?

I felt quite tearful this morning. I’m not sure why. It isn’t if I’m not used to seeing Martin going to London for the week, he used to do it all the time. But this is the first time he’s been back since his heart attack. All the logic in the world can tell me that he will be fine but let’s face it; I’m only human and can’t help worrying.
Although I’m not sure what I am really worrying about.

If I was a good wife, I would be able to tell you that I’m worried about him having another heart attack or at the very least that he will start working long hours again and stop eating properly. But if I’m honest, I’m probably more worried that these won’t be the only bad ways he will slip back into.

All the reasons he had the affair with that bitch Laura are still there. He will still need to work long hours at the office then go back home to an empty flat. The casinos and bars will still seem a better option than spending an evening alone.

As far as I can see nothing has changed, apart that is, from Martin. He keeps telling me that he’s different now. He swears that he loves me and the girls too much to ever risk loosing us. I’m sure that he means, now, but will he still be that strong when its winter time and he’s cold and lonely?

And what do I do in the meantime? Should I trust him, should I even believe him when he says that he’s changed? What was it my old Mum used to say, ‘a leopard never changes his spots’? Well what about Martin, are his spots past being changed?

If I’m not careful, all this introspection will send me crazy. I suppose now that he’s well again, its time for me to make my mind up what I really want from life. Do I carry on as before and hope that marriage and family is enough for Martin or do I cut my losses and leave him while I am still young enough to try and make a new life for myself. I think that what I’ve really got to ask myself is do I love him enough to accept him for what he is?

Well one thing I’m not going to do is sit around moping. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I’m going on holiday with my beautiful daughter soon, so I’m treating myself to a shopping trip for some new clothes.

There, that’s all I need, some retail therapy

I’m glad that I walked down to the village, its far too nice a day for driving and I might even treat myself to a long lunch at Maria’s after I finish shopping.

‘Hi Fliss, you’re looking very pleased with yourself.’

‘Oh hi Lizzie, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there I was miles away.’

‘All on your own? Where’s Martin?’

‘He’s back at work, in fact this is his first day. He flew back to London this morning.’

‘Oh you poor thing’ cried Lizzie ‘you must be worried sick.’

‘Just a little I suppose, but he’s fine now. The doctors are really pleased with him and given him a full bill of health.’

‘So what are you going to do with yourself today?’

‘Retail therapy’ I laugh

‘Fancy some company? I’ve got rid of Ken for the day. He’s off somewhere playing golf with Malcolm and few of the other old buggers down the coast, so I don’t expect I’ll see him again before bedtime. Well not sober at least. I swear Fliss those old men spend more time at the nineteenth hole than they do on the course.’

Lizzie’s fun is so infectious I can think of nothing nicer than spending the morning mooching around the shops with her.

‘How about we make a day of it and you join me for lunch? I was going to treat myself at Maria’s.’

‘I can see that this is going to be my kind of shopping trip.’ Laughs Lizzie. ‘If you don’t mind Fliss, do you think that I could invite Gloria for lunch too? I’m sure that she’s just sitting home on her own.’

‘Why not, the more the merrier. Tell her to meet us at Maria’s about 2 o’clock. I’m sure that that should give us enough time to find some pretty new dresses for my holidays.’

‘Oh that’s right. Gloria told me that you were having a girly holiday with Ella. You lucky sod, what I wouldn’t do for some time away from Ken. Don’t get me wrong, I love the bones of him, but dear god he’s a miserable bugger sometimes.’

‘Aren’t they all’ I laugh ‘aren’t they all’

After trying on nearly every summer dress in the village we are both exhausted as we arrive at Maria’s

‘Look there’s Gloria, she beaten us to it’ says Lizzie making her way to the shady table Gloria has found at the edge of the square

‘I wasn’t sure if you would want wine with your lunch so I thought that I would wait until I could ask you.’ Says Gloria sipping an aperitif

‘Well you don’t seem to have wasted much time getting started on the booze’ says Lizzie plonking her bags down under the table ‘Fliss and I are just going to have to catch you up. Hi Maria can we have a bottle of cold white wine and three glasses please.’

‘And the menu’ I add hurriedly

‘Oh yes and the menu’ laughs Lizzie ‘I suppose we will need some food to soak up the wine.’

‘Lizzie you are awful’ chokes Gloria ‘I’m only having a small sherry’

‘Not today your not. Today we are going to be ladies who lunch and sod the hangover.’

***


I’ve had a lovely day. Lizzie and I had a really productive shopping trip and I’m sure that I would never have bought half the clothes that I did if she hadn’t picked them out for me. And who would have imagined that Gloria could be so much fun. I’ve always thought that she was such a quiet little mouse but after a couple of sherries she really let her hair down, bless her.

I was tempted to get a cab home but I’m glad that I decided to walk back. It’s been so long since I’ve been walking at this time of day that I’d forgotten just how lovely the hills look in the early evening sunshine.

‘Hello stranger, I have missed you’

‘Paolo, I wondered if you would be in the fields.’

Paolo walked towards me, enveloped me in his strong bare arms and whispered ‘I have missed you so much’

Episode 38 - The Fete

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can get so stressed organising something as simple a summer fete. You’d have thought that we were trying to re-launch the Millennium Dome rather than running a few stalls to raise money for a donkey sanctuary.

Poor old Malcolm had himself in such a stew earlier, running around trying to get us all organised. If that man doesn’t calm down he is in serious danger of blowing a gasket before the day’s out. It isn’t as if we were expecting thousands of people to turn up, we’ll be very lucky if we get a couple of hundred.

Mind you it’s been quite busy so far on the refreshments stall, Michael and I haven’t had a chance to catch our breath yet. I must admit I was surprised when Michael said that he would come today, I thought that he would still be far too upset to want to come out. The trouble was with him being so brave that I felt an absolute drip for dropping out because of Martin. Poor Cassy looked so relieved when I said that I would be OK to help even if Malcolm looked like he was about to throw his clip board at me.

Isn’t it funny, when Sonny was alive I don’t suppose many of us really knew what he and Michael did for a living. It wasn’t until Lizzie was chatting to some of their friends at the funeral that we found out that while Michael has taken early retirement, Sonny was still taking his act around the clubs back in the UK. Ella thought it was hysterical when she found out that Sonny had been a drag queen and took great delight in teasing Martin about the people he was hanging out with in Spain. Some of the old boys at the golf club had been quite shocked and at the time it was the only topic of conversation in the club house.

I wonder who will be the target for their next gossiping, I overhead old Mr Turnbull asking Martin if he was going back to work because of financial pressure or did he want to just escape from the old ball and chain for a while. Cheeky sod and I could have strangled Martin when he started laughing about how he was looking forward to getting away from my nagging for a while. Didn’t take him long to get back to his old ways did it? But at least Martin’s ‘little jokes’ don’t hurt me any more. I must be getting immune to them.

Lizzie was telling me that Clara Hale has been seeing a lot of Michael since the funeral. Now that’s a funny friendship. I always felt sorry for Clara living on her own in that big house in the village, she didn’t seem to have any close friends and ate on her own in Maria’s every night. But now, according to Lizzie, she meets up with Michael a couple of times a week for lunch and she’s even been spotted walking over the valley to his cottage. I suppose she feels sorry for him and is just being kind. Kinder than me, I haven’t been over to see him since the funeral. I phoned a couple of times to see how he was and I must admit I was surprised at how well he has taken it all. I’m sure most have us would have fallen apart if our partner had been knifed and murdered in front of us. I don’t think that I would have wanted to stay around here any more. I’m still a bit nervous about driving after dark; after all they still haven’t found the murder.

Gloria and Malcolm have suggested that we try and get some sort of neighbourhood watch going. I’m not so sure that it would work. It could be fine at La Vista but outside the complex it wouldn’t be quite so easy, for example who would be watching my villa. I don’t have any neighbours, well non close enough to see if anything is wrong. Martin suggested that we could get a couple of big guard dogs to have around the place. I don’t think so, I know who would end up having to look after the damn things and take them out for walks every day and I’m sure it wouldn’t be Martin. No, I’ll probably just take my chances, after all Sonny was miles away from here when he was killed.

Let’s face it before all this happened I felt really safe living here on my own while Martin was over in London. And in a couple of weeks Sophie and Alistair will be moving in with the girls while they are waiting for their new house to be built at the farm. So there is no need for guard dogs or any other dogs come to that, thank you very much.

It looks like some of the stalls are starting to pack up now and I think that when these last few customers of ours finish their cream teas we can probably start doing the same. Maybe I could invite Michael over for supper this evening, it would save him having to get home and start cooking for himself but if I invite him maybe I should ask Clara as well? Oh what the hell why not, let’s make a party of it. I’d better give Martin a quick ring and ask him to get some steak out of the freezer and fire up the BBQ. That should give him something new to moan about.

***

‘This is really very thoughtful of you Fliss’ says Clara Hale sliding into the back seat of Michael’s car.

‘It’s no trouble, honestly. I have to cook supper for Martin anyway and I thought that we could all do with a drink after being on our feet all day.’

‘Fliss would Martin mind if I left my car at yours and took a taxi home after supper’ asked Michael ‘I’m still not too happy about driving on my own after dark’

‘Of course he won’t mind, we can drive your car back tomorrow if you like. The walk back over the valley will do us good’

‘Thank you Fliss that’s very kind of you.’ Says Michael ask he starts off up the hill to the villa

That’s strange but I could have sworn that I just saw Clara out of the corner of my eye. I’m sure she was looking at Michael and biting her lip to stop herself from laughing. Now what was that all about?

Episode 34 - New Start

It’s lovely having a full house again. I hadn’t realised how much I‘d missed having Sophie, Alistair and the girls about he place, although I was a bit surprised when Sophie rang to ask if they could all come over for a couple of weeks. She’s been so busy recently arranging Martin’s loan and even seeing some of his clients, all this as well as everything her own job entails. I didn’t think that she would have time for a holiday yet. But I’m glad she did and the Spanish air seems to be agreeing with her. I’m thrilled that she is looking so much more relaxed than the last time she was here.

They’ve taken the girls over to Liam and Cassy’s farm today and with Martin out playing a few holes of golf I’m making the most of having an empty kitchen and getting some baking done.

Martin is talking about getting back to work soon. I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea for him to be back in London on his own all week again, especially with his track record. He swears to me that it is all over between him and Laura and I believe him, after all what would she want from him now that she knows there’s no chance of getting her grubby little hands on the villa.

No the trouble isn’t Laura; the trouble is that nothing else has changed over there. He would still be working long hours then going home to an empty flat. I can’t help wondering how long it’d be before he found someone else to share his bed.

Am I being mean? Maybe he really does believe it when he tells me that he’s changed. The problem is that I’ve heard it all before, sorry Fliss, I was stupid Fliss, it won’t happen again Fliss. How do I know that this time will be any different and I suppose the question is do I really care?

There I’ve said it – I don’t know if I care anymore – so what if he finds someone else, its not as if the world will end if find myself a divorcee at fifty two.

‘Something smells good Mum, Olivia, Grace come quickly, Grandma has been making pies’ says Sophie as she walks into the kitchen.

‘I must have been miles away, I didn’t realise it was so late. Hello my little darlings, did you have a nice time at the farm?’

‘Oh Grandma’ says Grace ‘the lady goat has had babies and they were drinking milk from their Mummy’s bottom.’

‘No Grace it wasn’t her bottom it was her udder’ explains Olivia very seriously to her little sister. Poor Grace looks shocked and hides her face behind her hands and dissolves into a fit of giggles.

‘Well I think that’s enough biology for one day, come on you two let’s leave Grandma in peace. Who fancies a dip in the pool?’ Alistair says as he shoos the girls out of the kitchen.

‘It sounds like you had a good day’ I say to Sophie who has started to help clear way the baking dishes.

‘It was lovely Mum. Liam and Cassy are so happy and even the baby seems to be thriving on all the fresh air and sunshine.’

‘If I didn’t know better I’d think you were jealous’ Sophie is smiling, her face glowing from a day in the sunshine, her eyes sparkle as she says

‘Mum, how would you feel about us moving out here to Spain?’

‘Sophie darling that would be wonderful, but what about your jobs and your house in London, what about the girls’ schools.’

‘Alistair and I have been doing a lot of soul searching since the last time we were here. All we seem to do is work and sleep. We never have time for each other and precious little time for the girls. You were right Mum, they are growing quickly and we’re missing so much of it.’

‘So why here, why Spain? I thought that you wanted a house in Italy so that you could be close to your friends.’

I suppose it was seeing how happy Liam and Cassy are. They have such dreams Mum. So many ideas about their future, the only thing holding them back is the lack of money.’

‘And how does that affect you?’ I ask

‘A partnership, that’s what we were talking about today. We’ve put a proposition to them, if they would sell us their bottom field, you know, the one buy the river? We could build our own house there.’

‘Oh Darling how exciting but you know that there’s plenty of room here if you need to live somewhere before the builders have finished. What would you do for work? I can’t imagine that Crabtree and Wright would be very happy with you working from home.’

Sophie laughed ‘No Mum, I don’t think they would. That’s the second part of our proposal. We have offered to go into business with them. With our money going into the business we would be able to convert their big barns into holiday accommodation which would give a far better return that the B&B they originally planned. Alistair would still be able to work in Brussels until he found a suitable position in Madrid and I would like to put some stabling up in the old yard so that we could offer pony trekking as well as the holiday lets.’

She’s done it again. Just when I think that I know all there is to know about Sophie she surprises me yet again.

For the first time in a very long time I think that there really is something to look forward to.

Episode 24 - Martin comes home

‘Where have you been, I thought you said you would be here at 11 o’clock’ grumbles Martin as I hurry into his hospital room.

‘Sorry, I needed to sort something out with the girls before I left’ gosh that sounds feeble even to me but it seems to have satisfied Martin who is dressed and waiting for me to take him home ‘Have you seen the doctor this morning’ I ask as I start packing his pyjamas and soap bag into the holdall.

‘Yes he said he was very happy with the progress I’m making and as long as I remember to take the tablets I should be fine’

‘The car is just outside that door, will you be OK to walk or do you need a wheelchair?’ I ask slinging his holdall onto my shoulder. My god it weighs a ton what does he have in there.

‘I’ll be fine walking, don’t fuss Fliss,’

‘It’s such a lovely day I thought you would like to drive along with the hood down’ I explain to Martin who is looking horrified that I had left his precious BMW in a car park without putting the roof up.

‘Yes, that’s fine; I could do with feeling some air on my face. You wouldn’t believe how stuffy it was in that room.’

As we drive out of the hospital Martin is sitting uncomfortably in the passenger seat fiddling with the radio ‘Why is it that you can’t find any decent music when you need it’ he moans

‘Here, why don’t you put this CD on’ I say passing him his favourite Genesis album

It isn’t long before Martin falls asleep. He must be exhausted; I know that he didn’t sleep very well in hospital, he said that there was too much going on through the night for him to settle properly.

I wasn’t at all surprised when Martin’s doctors said that they think that his heart attack could have been stress related and he has to change the way he lives if he wants to avoid another one. I suppose all the problems he was having with the loan repayments were just too much for him.

‘What are you thinking about?

‘Martin you gave me a start, I thought you were still asleep’

‘I was just dozing; I’m sorry I was so grumpy earlier, I was just tired and couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital’

‘I know Darling, don’t worry we’ll be home soon.’

‘Have the girls gone back to London yet?’

‘No’ I hesitate ‘they wanted to see you home first.’

‘Good I need to talk to Sophie about this loan she’s arranging with Crabtree and Wright’

‘Sophie’s got it all in hand. Martin you must remember what the hospital said, no more worrying about the business. Sophie and I have everything under control. All the invoices for last month have gone out and the loan will cover any shortfall until the outstanding bills are paid.’

‘I am very grateful you know’ says Martin putting his hand on my shoulder ‘I don’t know what I would have done without you this past week. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you about the mess earlier’

‘Don’t worry about that now let’s just get you home’ I say as I pull the car into our drive.

Standing on the driveway waiting for us is Ella.

‘Dad welcome home, let’s get you indoors.

‘Come and give your old Dad a hug first’

Sophie must have heard the car pull up and is standing in the doorway watching as Ella and Martin stand laughing on the drive.

‘Welcome home Dad. Here let me take that case off you Mum, shall I put it into your bedroom?’

‘Yes please Sophie, come on you two let’s get in and settled.’

Sophie barely looks at Martin as she picks up his up his holdall and walks back into the villa.

***
‘Martin what are you doing, I thought that you were resting’

‘I was only looking for my mobile phone. I thought that I’d left it in the pocket of these trousers.’ Martin says as he closes the wardrobe door.

‘You did but I gave it to Sophie so that she could get in touch with your clients. It’s in the study. Do you want me to get it?’ I ask

‘Has she read the texts’ he asks shaking and turning pale.

‘Yes Martin, she read them.’

‘So you know. You know about Laura?’

‘Yes I’m afraid I do.’

‘Fliss my love, I am so sorry. Let me explain’

I cut him short ‘No Martin, not now. There’ll be plenty of time for explanations later. Right now I think that we should concentrate on getting you better.’

‘But Fliss, there’s so much I need to tell you.’

‘Martin I’m sorry I can’t cope with this right now. Let’s just get through the next few days, and then we’ll talk. Come on let’s go onto the patio, Olivia and Grace can’t wait to see you. They’ve missed their Grandpa and have lots to tell you.’

Martin looks at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen and quietly follow me out to his waiting family.

****

‘You’ll have to speak to him sometime Sophie’

‘I know’ says Sophie looking at Ella ‘but not just yet. He’ll be fine with Alistair and the girls while I get our cases packed.’

‘The packing can wait Sophie, go out and see Dad.’

‘Why? So he can lie to me, tell me it was all a big mistake.’

‘But it was a mistake; he could never have left Mum.’

‘How do you know that Ella, how can any of us know what he was thinking of?’

‘You’re right, I don’t know, but you are only punishing yourself by not talking to him. It’s down to Mum now. If she can forgive him I think that we should at least give him a chance. Come on let’s go out together; we’ve only got a couple of hours before we have to leave for the airport. Let’s show Mum that we’re behind her. I think that she’s going to need us to be there for her over the next few weeks.’

‘You’re right, of course you are. Come on then little sister, let’s go and play happy families.’

Ella turns and hugs her sister ‘You know sis, with us on their side there’s no way they can fail.’

Holding Ella hand as they walk out of the bedroom, Sophie sighs ‘I hope you’re right, I really do.’

Episode 23 - The Truth Hurts

‘Do you want any more coffee Mum?’

‘Sorry Ella, I was miles away, what did you ask?’

‘Coffee Mum, do want any more?’

‘No thanks, I’ve got to get dressed. The hospital said that I could pick up Dad about 11 o’clock’

‘Would you like me to go?’ asks Alistair getting up from the breakfast table.

‘No, its fine I’ll go. Martin’s asked me to take him some chocolates and flowers for the nurses and I’ll have to stop at the village and collect them’

‘As long as you’re sure Fliss?’ Alistair asked again.

‘Yes quite sure, you’ve done enough for me in the past few days. Why don’t you and Sophie take the girls up to the farm I know that Liam and Cassy are looking forward to meeting you?’

Sophie looked up from the papers she had been reading ‘Would you mind going without me Darling, I need to have a word with Mum and Ella before Dad comes home?

‘No problem. Come on squirts let’s go and see all these lovely animals you’ve been telling me about.’

Isn’t it strange how things work out? This time last week I was dreading that Sophie and Ella would be getting on each others nerves and squabbling all the time. Now it’s as if they are joined at the hip. It’s been years since they have been this close. In a funny way Martin’s heart attack seems to have brought the whole family closer together. I don’t know what I would have done if Sophie and Ella hadn’t been here. They have been such a help.

‘Mum, before you get dressed can I have a word please?’ asked Sophie ‘and Ella, I think that you should hear this as well.’

‘Sophie what’s the matter? Is it Dad, have the hospital phoned again?’

‘No Ella, it’s nothing like that.' Sophie hesitated 'Mum, you know when I was trying to get in touch with Dad’s clients I asked you for his mobile phone.’

‘Yes darling, I collected it from the hospital and gave it to you’

‘’Well when I was looking at his contact list I checked his text messages to see if there was anything that needed an urgent reply’

‘Oh god, I’d forgotten about his text messages. Was there something from Tony Eagleton is that why you are looking so upset’

‘No Mum, it wasn’t messages from Tony, it was texts from someone called Laura’

‘Laura? I didn’t know he had a client called Laura.’

‘She isn’t a client Mum’

Ella reached across the table and took hold of my hand ‘Who is she Sophie?’

‘Oh Mum’ cried Sophie ‘I am so sorry. It looks like Dad’s been having an affair’

‘An affair? No Sophie you’re mistaken, Martin wouldn’t do that’

Sophie passed Martin’s phone to me ‘He did Mum. It’s all here. It’s been going on for months. After I’d read the texts I wanted to delete them, pretend that they’d never existed but Alistair said that you had a right to know.’

‘I’m sorry girls I can’t take this in. I think I need some time alone, I need to think, I’m sorry’

Leaving the kitchen with Martin’s phone still in my hand I walk slowly up stairs. My god just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse. Martin having an affair…well I suppose that explains why he’s been so cold with me. No wonder he didn’t want me around. What did he need me for when he’d found himself a new model.

I don’t know whether I can bare to look at the texts, why punish myself further? But if I don’t look I know that I’ll always wonder. Turning his phone over and over in my hands I flip the cover back and select My Messages.

***

Standing under the shower I let the hot what run down my face. It’s as if I need to wash the memory of those intimate text messages from my head. How could Martin be so stupid? Did he honestly think that this Laura woman was after anything other than his money? What am I talking about it wasn’t his money she was after, it was our home. The manipulative little bitch was working with Tony all along. Once she’d realised what a mess Martin was in with his gambling she must have laughed to think how easy it was to fool him into signed for the loan.

How could Martin be so stupid? Did he hate me so much that he was prepared to give up his home and his family for someone he’d only known for five minutes?

I suppose she’s pretty, probably young and blond and slim. Let’s face it everything I’m not.

I couldn’t have blamed Martin if he’d just had a fling. After all who am I to criticise. But surely there’s a difference between my one afternoon with Paolo and Martin deciding to give the bitch a set of keys to our flat.

So what now, where do we go from here?

‘Mum, are you OK?’ asks Ella as she walks into the bedroom ‘can I get you a coffee or something?’

‘Don’t worry darling, I‘m fine. In fact I’d better get ready, Dad will be wondering where I am’

‘Mum, how can you be so calm? Surely you’re not going to pretend that nothing has happened?’

‘Ella my love, I think that the first thing I have to do is collect Dad. We’ll have plenty of time to sort all this out later. It’s not as if he’s going anywhere in a hurry.’

‘Wouldn’t it be better if I collected him’ asked Ella

‘No I think that Dad and I need some time alone. It looks like we’ve lots to talk about’

Episode 19 - Heart to Heart

I don’t have much experience of hospitals. Apart from Maternity Units and the odd visit to Casualty with the girls when they were little I’ve never really had much to do with them. Is this usual then to be left alone in a corridor waiting for news? It’s been two hours since they took Martin into the room in the High Dependency Unit, what are they doing, why won’t they let me go in to him, why isn’t anyone telling me anything?

‘Are you OK Mum?’ Ella asks as she sits down on the hard plastic chair next to me outside Martin’s room ‘here, drink this, I found a coffee machine’

‘Thank you for coming with me to the hospital darling. I do appreciate it’

‘I’m just glad that I can be here for you. Have you had any news?’

‘Oh Ella I don’t know any more than you do. I’ve been left here waiting since we arrived. I wish to god someone would tell me what’s happening’

‘Try and keep calm Mum, the best thing we can do is to just let them get on with their job. I’m sure that they will tell us as soon as they can’

What a way to end a party. I hadn’t even realised that Martin had gone outside until Cassy Stratton had come running in to tell me that they had found him unconscious in the car park. It was lucky that Cassy and Liam had been leaving the party early to give Clara Hale a lift home.

Funny the things you find out at a time like this. I don’t think that any of us knew Mrs Hale’s first name before tonight and I certainly didn’t realise that she would be so good in a crisis. Apparently as soon as they spotted Martin collapsed in the car park she just took charge of the situation, sending Liam off to telephone for an ambulance and administering CPR on Martin while Cassy ran in to get me.

I’m not sure what happened after the ambulance arrived. Everything is a bit of a blur. I can remember the paramedics turning up and taking over. I can even remember travelling to the hospital in the ambulance but everything else is a nightmare of men in white coats running down the corridor, machines being pushed at high speed into the examination room and Martin lying there looking for all the world as if he was just asleep.

I promised that as soon as I know anything I would phone Sophie. She has been so good. Apparently she managed to calm everyone at the party and stop them from getting in the way. Ella said that she quickly arranged taxis for everyone that needed them and promised to stay by the phone back at the villa for updates. She also found Ella a lift with Malcolm’s wife Gloria who followed the ambulance all the way to the hospital.

I was useless, I could only stand there stunned, incapable of even rational thought never mind organising anything. It was the shock probably; the shock of seeing Martin lying there and praying that he wouldn’t die.

‘Mrs Brooks would you like to come through now.’ The nurse holds the door open for me as I walk slowly into Martin’s room. I’m trying my very hardest to keep it together but it’s such a shock to see him lying there naked to the waist and attached to all those drips and monitors. Opening his eyes, he smiles as he sees me standing there quietly by his side.

‘Fliss’

‘Oh Martin, I was so worried’ unchecked the tears start to roll down my cheeks. Very gently I take his hand in mine and carefully bend down to kiss his cool brow.

‘Mrs Brooks, we were just explaining to Martin that he has suffered a heart attack ‘I hold my breath as the doctor continues ‘He was very lucky that your friend was on the scene so quickly otherwise it could have been much worse for him. With rest and medication he should make a full recovery but you must take this as a warning. As I explained to Martin he must change a lot of things in his life, more exercise, a good diet and less stress’

‘Don’t worry Doctor I’ll make sure he does.’

‘I’ll be back to see you in the morning Martin. Nurse, can we have 15 minute obs through the night please?’ Turning at the door the doctor continued ‘You must try to get some rest now, maybe your wife would like to go home for a while and get some rest too’

‘Please doctor, can I stay with him for a little while? I promise I’ll leave soon’

‘Ok, just for a little while. I will see you both in the morning’ As the doctor and nurse leave the room I can see them talking to Ella who is still waiting outside the door.

‘It’s true what the doctor said Martin, we must take this as a warning. But let’s not worry about anything tonight; we’ll have plenty of time talk tomorrow’

‘There is something I must tell you now Fliss, it’s about the company’

‘What ever it is can wait. Let’s just concentrate on getting you better’

‘No Fliss, this can’t wait. I'm so sorry, I’ve been very stupid and have run up debts on the business.' looking at my horrified expression Martin hurriedly continues 'I managed to arrange a short term loan to cover the shortfall but I wasn’t able to repay it on time. I’m worried now that we may loose the villa’

‘You put the villa up as security? But how, surely you needed my signature for that? I can’t believe the bank would be that sloppy’

'I didn’t borrow from the bank ‘

‘Where did you borrow from?'

‘Tony Eagleton’

I feel my legs buckle and sinking into the chair next to his bed I am still in a state of shock as I look at Martin lying there covering his face with his hands. What have you done you silly fool. After everything that you’ve told me about that gangster, how could you even consider asking him for a loan? I can’t say any of this of course. The last thing Martin needs is to be told what an idiot he’s been.

‘Let’s not worry about it now. We’ll talk about again in the morning’

‘I’m so sorry Fliss, for everything’

‘Shush now, remember what the doctor said, you need to rest. Everything will be fine, I promise’ and raising from the chair I bend over to kiss him goodbye hoping that he doesn’t realise quite how scared I really am.

Episode 18 - The Party

‘The taxi’s here’ called Ella opening the front door ‘hurry up everybody, we don’t want to keep him waiting’

Martin closed his laptop and sighed, why was everyone making such a fuss about going for a meal for heavens sake, he grumbled to himself.

‘Grandpa, are you ready yet?’ asked Olivia standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips ‘we’re going to be late’

‘Just coming’ sighed Martin as he followed his little granddaughter out into the hall. ‘OK everybody I’m ready let’s get going’

As everybody was climbing into the taxi Martin’s mobile phone began to ring

‘Oh who can that be now’ I asked, trying my very best not to sound as exasperated as I felt. Just once it would be nice if he could switch the damn thing off, or better still leave it at home.

Glancing at the callers name on the screen Martin switched off his phone ‘Nothing important’ he blustered ‘they can call back later’

Sophie and I had been up to the golf club this afternoon to check that everything was going to be ready for tonight. We’d told Martin a little white lie about going down to the village for some shopping and I am sure that he still doesn’t suspect a thing.

The car park is busy’ commented Martin as we arrived at the golf club ‘I hope you didn’t forget to book a table Fliss or we will be waiting all night to be fed’

‘Stop grumbling Dad’ laughed Emma, pushing her father into the doorway of the club ‘anyone would think that you weren’t enjoying your birthday.’’

As we walked into the club Olivia asked ‘Mummy why aren’t there any lights on?’ ‘Probably another bloody power failure’ mumbled Martin as we carried on through to the restaurant.

‘Surprise’

Martin’s face was a picture when the lights came up and he saw the huge banner across the room with Happy Birthday Martin and all our fiends laughing and cheering. Within seconds he was joining in with the laughter and shaking the outstretched hands of all his golfing buddies. ‘Whose idea was this’ he asked looking at Ella and Sophie, ‘You can blame Mum’ said Sophie ‘it was all her idea. I don’t know how she managed to keep it from you for all these weeks’ ‘No laughed Ella ‘we were sure that you would find out’

Turning to look at me for the first time since we had arrived Martin said ‘I knew she was up to something, but I never suspected this’

I can’t tell you how relieved I felt. I had been worrying all day whether I should start dropping hints to Martin about the party. He has been in such a funny mood. It’s as if having the house full was all too much for him. He spent ages this morning shut away in the study. I know that he is very busy with work at the moment but surely he could have afforded to take one day of to be with his family. I was terrified that when we arrived he would go mad and storm out.

It’s strange but looking across the dance floor at Martin laughing and joking with his friends I’m getting a strange feeling about tonight. Nothing tangible, but you can’t be married to someone for a long as we have and not pick up on their moods. It’s as if Marin is acting the part of the convivial host. The smiles and back slapping all look a little to contrived, the enthusiasm for his presents a bit too enthusiastic.

‘Wonderful party Fliss’ slurs Ken Jessel ‘Martin is a very lucky man to have you. I’m sure that Lizzie wouldn’t go to all this trouble for my birthday’

‘Oh Ken don’t be silly of course she would. Any fool can she how much she loves you’

Putting his arm around my waist, Ken laughed ‘let’s face it, I’m just a typical man, can’t see what right in front of my face sometimes’

Is that it? Does Martin just need to be reminded that he has a family that loves him?

‘You look miles away’ I must have been, I hadn’t noticed Ken staggering away to the bar and Michael coming over to me. ‘You must have worked very hard putting all this together. It is a super party. I was just saying to Sonny I hope that Martin appreciates all you hard work.’

As long as he is having a god time that’s all I want’

‘Well he certainly looks like he’s enjoying himself, who’s that he dancing with?’

‘That Sophie, our eldest daughter, she’s been over here all week her children. Speaking of which I’d better go and see that they are OK’

The wine was flowing and the buffet looked fabulous. Everyone was enjoying themselves. And I must admit, even Martin looked more relaxed and happy than I’d seen for a long while. Maybe it was time for me to chill out and enjoy the evening, after all what could go wrong now?

***

Martin glanced at his watch and making his excuses to Malcolm Westbury hurried out of the side door of the club. Even at nearly midnight it was still warm and Martin could feel his palms sweating as he flipped open his mobile phone. Six messages from Laura, dear god, he thought, what’s wrong now.

‘I’ve been trying to phone you all evening’ Laura snapped as Martin finally managed to get through to her ‘all hell’s broken out here. Tony’s livid; you haven’t answered any of his emails.’

‘What do you want from me’ growled Martin trying not to shout ‘I told you that the girls were over here for my birthday and we were all going out tonight. I can’t just ignore my family’

‘And you can’t ignore Tony either’ she countered ‘You promised that you would get the money to him by the end of the week. Where is it? You have got it haven’t you?’

‘I explained this all you the other day. Most of the money was being sent from Japan on Friday but with the time difference I wouldn’t get it until after close of business. You can tell Tony he will have his money on Monday’

‘Monday will be too late. You had a deal Martin and Tony doesn’t like it when people renege on a deal’

Martin closed his eyes; he could feel his heart beating as if it was trying to fight its way out of his chest, he started sweating and as he felt himself falling he grabbed his arm in terror.

Episode 17 - Sisterly love

‘Look who I found loitering around Stanstead Airport’ called Martin as he paid off the taxi.

Running out from the kitchen where I had been putting the final touches to the salad for our BBQ supper, I hug my youngest daughter as she rushes up the drive.

‘Ella, how lovely, I wasn’t expecting you to arrive till after midnight’

‘I phoned Dad earlier in the week to find out which flight he was getting, then I managed to swap my shift so that I could finish at lunch time and we could travel together. Don’t shout at Dad, I swore him to secrecy, I wanted to surprise you Mum,’

‘Oh it’s a lovely surprise’ I can’t stop smiling as I pick up her rucksack and follow them both into the villa. ‘Olivia, Grace, come here quickly, Grandpa and Aunt Ella have arrived’ I call out to the children who had been busy in the kitchen making Welcome Home banners.

Scrambling into the hall clutching the still wet posters, the girls fling their little arms around their Grandpa’s legs. ‘Where’s Sophie?’ asked Martin as he bends down to kiss his granddaughters and admire their artwork.

‘She’s in the study Darling, I think that she might still be on the phone to her office. I’m sure she’ll be out in a minute’

‘I thought she was supposed be on holiday. Doesn’t she ever switch off?' asked Emma putting a large gift wrapped box on the hall table.

‘Now don’t start, I want this to be a lovely weekend and I don’t want you two squabbling as soon as you get together’

‘Oh Mum’ laughed Ella putting her arms around me ‘you wouldn’t want us any other way’

Don’t you believe it, I mutter, ‘Oh Ella it is lovely to see you again, I’ve missed you so much, it’s been far too long since we’ve all been together.’

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t get here any sooner but it’s been a nightmare trying to get this time off work. We are really short staffed at the moment and everyone is working silly hours.’

‘And you have the nerve to call your sister a workaholic. You are both as bad as one another’ I sigh

Ella laughs as she sits on the floor hugging her little nieces ‘Yes but I don’t have these little princesses waiting for me. It’s easy to stay in work when you’ve nobody to go home to’

I look on wistfully as Ella rolls around the floor tickling Olivia and Grace. Ella would make a wonderful Mum. She has so much love to give. I can’t believe that she is still on her own. She is so pretty and full of fun. It’s been a long time since she split up with Jake, I wonder if there is any one special for her in London. No. I’m sure there can’t be, she would tell me if there was.

Ella is now laughing fit to burst as the girls scramble over her trying their best to tickle her back. As if on queue, Sophie storms out of the office. ‘What’s all the noise about? Mummy is trying to work’ spotting Martin leaning against the wall she looks embarrassed as she says ‘Oh I’m sorry Dad, I didn’t know that you were home’ and glaring at her sister who was still lying with her giggling nieces on top of her, she snaps ‘Don’t get them over excited Ella or they won’t eat their supper’

Immediately the giggling stops and the atmosphere in the hall changes, Sophie stands motionless in the doorway of the study with her arms folded and I know that Olivia senses her Mother’s quiet disapproval. Not tonight, I pray, please no arguments, for Martin’s sake if not for mine. This is supposed to be his special weekend, not a war zone.

With a self control that I could only wonder at, Ella looks up from where she was still lying on the floor. Angry beyond belief that Sophie could spoil such a happy welcome, Ella looks straight at her sister and then fixing a big silly grin on her face said ‘Hi sis, good to see you too’

Closing my eyes I whisper a silent prayer of thanks. Looking up the hall I can see the children who must have run to sit at the bottom of the stairs as soon as they had seen Sophie glowering at their funny Aunty. My heart sinks when I realise that they’re sitting holding hands nervously. Glancing at Sophie with the contempt she deserves I call with a brightness that is pure acting ‘Right girls, who wants a BBQ?’

‘Me, me’ they shout in unison running over to pull at Martin’s hands ‘we want a BBQ don’t we Grandpa’

‘Yes my little darlings, a BBQ and a very large Scotch' answers Martin glowering at Sophie as he let’s himself be pulled out towards the pool.

Looking at Sophie and shaking her head, Ella walks through to the kitchen to pour herself a large glass of wine.

Turning to Sophie with my anger only just in check I say ‘Don’t ever let me see those girl’s frightened of you again. I don’t care how busy you are or how tired you are, they come first. Do you understand?’

Sophie glared at me as I continue ‘And nothing is going to spoil this weekend. So it’s no more work Sophie, no phone calls to the office, no faxes to America, you are going to spend time with your daughters.’

‘You will never understand Mum what’s it’s like to be me. I have to win this contract, don’t you understand if it falls through I can kiss goodbye to being made a partner and then everything I have worked so hard for will be for nothing’

'No Sophie you're wrong, I do understand. You're my daughter and I love but what you are in danger of loosing is irreplaceable. If your not careful you will loose something far more important than any contract. Olivia and Grace need you right now, not when you have made partner, they need to know that their Mummy loves them and has time for them. Your family is what’s really important and believe me if you loose sight of that you really will have lost everything.'

Episode 16 - Time spent playing is never wasted

‘Granny can we go in the pool please?’ asked Olivia as she passes the breakfast dishes to me for loading into the dishwasher.

‘I thought that you might like to go the beach today. Would you like Granny to help you build a sandcastle?’ I ask Grace as I lift her down from the work top. She’s been having great fun stirring the jam pot, apparently, she tells me, it makes the jam really sticky and she loves sticky jam. Judging by the amount of the strawberry jam on her face I don’t doubt it.

But Granny,’ says Olivia looking very solemn in a big sister kind of way ‘I promised Mummy that we would practice our swimming every day’

‘I’m sure that Mummy won’t mind, she wants you to do fun things as well’ looking at Olivia’s worried little face I add hastily ‘so why don’t we do both. We can have the morning at the seaside and then later when the weather is a bit cooler we can all have some swimming practice’

Olivia pondering the compromise for a minute then nods sagely ‘Grace likes the seaside, so maybe we should go’

If I didn’t know better I’d think that Olivia was frightened of upsetting her Mum, surely not. Sophie only wants what’s best for the girls. I’m just not convinced that she knows what the best is. Why does she think for example that the girls should only spend time doing sensible things like swimming practice or French lessons? Doesn’t she realise that children need time to play, make sandcastles and have fun. I’d love to think that if she could stop worrying about work for just one day and come to the beach with us we could all have a lovely time together. After all it isn’t just children who need to have fun, some adults could do with a lesson in letting go and being silly every now and again.

I know that Sophie’s career is important to her and I admire the way that she seams to be able to juggle the demands of her job with being a wife and Mum. It can’t be easy and I worry that maybe she is trying to do too much, but unless she starts putting some quality time aside for the girls they’ll have grown up before she has had a chance to enjoy them being little. They are at that wonderful age where every thing is new and exciting and if Sophie isn’t careful she’ll have missed it.

There’s plenty of time when they’re at home for swimming practice, not now when they’re on holiday. This week is a time for paddling and ice cream, picnics of sandy sandwiches and cricket on the beach.

Damn Sophie, if she wants her daughters to have swimming practice every day she can get in pool with them herself and not expect me to be the one who has to alter my plans to suit her. If she wanted a Nanny to look after Olivia and Grace while they are in Spain she should have brought Mary.

***

Sitting under the dappled shade of one of the few trees that edge this beautiful beach and watching the girls building sandcastles with two the little Spanish boys they’ve befriended I sigh contentedly. This reminds me so much of Sophie and Ella when they were this age. We used to spend hours on the beach finding shells and racing down to the waters edge to collect water for the moat that I would dig around their lopsided sandcastles.

While the girls are playing happily I take the opportunity to look again at my party checklist and make a mental note to phone the golf club later. Everybody has now replied to the party invitations so I can tell the club chef to cater for 150 for the finger buffet. The cake is being delivered to the club on Saturday morning and the florist supplying the table flowers and balloons has confirmed the order. The only thing I have to do is to collect the watch that I have bought for his present. I’ve had it engraved, With All My Love

I do love him, I know that might sound strange after what happened with Paolo the other week, but I really do. I can’t imagine what life would be like without Martin. We have our differences sure, and the past couple of months have been difficult. And I’ll admit that maybe I have become a bit set in my ways since we moved out here but then again Martin isn’t the easiest man in the world to live with.

This week with Sophie and the girls has been the wake up call that I’ve needed. I haven’t had time to worry about what Martin is up to in London or even time to worry about that day with Paolo. I’m not in denial, I know what Paolo and I did was wrong but it was a one off and we both know that it will never happen again not because we don’t have the opportunity but because I don’t want it to.

I’m determined that Martin is going to have a wonderful birthday surrounded by his family. And afterwards when the party is over and the girls have gone home I want us to spend some time together, like the old days. I’ve made up my mind to ask him to cut back on his work and spend less time in London. Let’s face it, money isn’t everything. Our marriage is more important to me than how much we have in the bank. With the investments Martin’s made over the years and if we sold the flat in London I’m sure that we would have more than enough for a very comfortable life together.

So that’s the plan, a party to remember and the chance for us to start planning a new life together. Martin isn’t going to know what’s hit him….

Episode 15 - Love hurts

From my vantage point behind the barrier in the Arrivals Hall, I can see the passengers from the Stanstead flight coming through from the baggage hall. I can’t believe that Sophie and the girls haven’t come through yet. It’s not like Sophie to be at the back of a queue. Maybe I should check the fight number on the Arrivals Board, I’d feel a right fool if I’ve met the wrong flight.

Yes I was right, that was their flight, so where are they? Maybe they missed the fight or maybe one of the girls has had an accident. Don’t panic, if they don’t appear soon just go and find somebody to ask if they can look for them.

Oh, thank goodness, here they are now. ‘Darlings, where have you been? I thought that you’d missed the plane’

‘Hello Granny, the silly men lost our luggage’ gabbled Olivia running through the barrier towards me with Grace not far behind her.

‘Darling how awful haven’t they found them yet’ I ask bending down to scoop up my granddaughters.

‘No Mum quite obviously they haven’t’ snapped Sophie carrying only her hand luggage. ‘It was chaos at check in. I’m not surprised that cases go missing. I don’t know how Dad copes with these budget airlines every week’

‘Sophie I am so sorry’ I say putting my arm around my daughter’s shoulder ‘Let’s get you out of here and I’ll make some phone call when we get to the villa’

‘Mum please stop fussing’ said Sophie, shrugging away from me. ‘The official in the baggage hall has tracked down the cases and is arranging to get them here tomorrow. So I suppose I’ll just have to come all the way back and collect them.’

Fussing, how can it be fussing when all I want to do is help? ‘I’ll come back tomorrow and pick them up for you if you want’

‘There’s no need Mum, I’ve just said that I will come back for the cases; you can stay at the villa and look after the girls’ snapped Sophie.

Doesn’t Sophie realise that all I’m trying to do is help. I know that Martin would probably have taken control of the whole situation in about five minutes but he’s not here, so she stuck with fussy old Mum.

I know that it’s not fashionable any more but all I ever wanted, after Martin and I married, was to be a Mum. I couldn’t wait to have babies and when the girls were little was the happiest time of my life. I thought that I had such a perfect little family, two beautiful girls and a loving husband.

I suppose that Sophie and I started drifting apart when she was a teenager. Sophie was serious even then and had worked so hard in school. She always wanted to go to a good University and was determined to pass her Oxbridge exams. Looking back, I think that was probably when all her relationships began to suffer. It wasn’t easy for her to study for such long hours and keep friends who wanted to go out and have fun. One by one they stopped calling and soon Sophie stopped going out altogether.

Martin couldn’t understand why I was worried about her. After all she was working hard at school and doing well at her exams. He wanted the best for her, the best University, the best job, and I wanted those things too but I also wanted her to go out with her friends have fun. But it seemed Sophie didn’t need friends and she certainly didn’t need me.


Looking at her now, striding towards the Exit doors leaving me to gather up Olivia and Grace I feel more like her Nanny. Doesn’t she realise that all I want is to look after my family and do the best I can for them. I know that she thinks of me as relic from the past who couldn’t possibly be fulfilled as a woman by being just a housewife and mother, but what she doesn’t realise is, that’s what I want to be. And what’s wrong with that.

After making sure that Olivia and Grace are safely strapped into their car seats, I carefully drive out of the airport. Sophie wastes no time in telling me how she will have to spend a few hours each day working on her big American contract.

‘But Sophie it’s been so long since you’ve had a holiday, don’t you think that you deserve a rest from work?’ I know that I’m pleading but this really is too much, even for Sophie.

There will be plenty of time for holidays when I make partner’ said Sophie ‘besides I thought you were looking forward to spending time with your granddaughters’

‘Yes, of course I am, but I was looking forward to having time with my daughters as well’ I say gritting my teeth.

‘Ella will here on Friday and I’m hoping that I will have most of my work done by then so you will have us both for a whole weekend’

‘A whole weekend’ I say, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice for the sake of the little ones, ‘I was hoping that it could be for longer’

‘Are you sure Mum? You know how argumentative Ella can be’.

Glancing across at my eldest daughter sitting upright in the passenger seat next to me, I can’t believe that she could have said that about Ella without a trace of irony.

As we head inland towards the village driving through the farmland that runs through along the plain, Olivia and Grace squeal with delight as we pass a group of young boys jumping from the newly mown hay which has been stacked at the edge of a field. Thank goodness they seem happy to be happy to be on holiday even if their Mother looks like she would rather be anywhere else but here.

Episode 9 - Gone Fishing

Do you remember at the start of my story, I promised that I would always be honest with you? Well if I'm going to tell you what happened today I should start by saying that when Paolo suggested the fishing trip I knew that he wasn’t looking to catch many fish. It was the way that he lifted me into the boat and very gently set me down on the polished deck that sent shivers down my spine.

There was a cool breeze blowing through my hair as we set off from the jetty. The Mediterranean glistened in the harsh sunlight as our small boat slowly made its way away from the beach and around the headland. After about 10 minutes and surrounded by miles of empty water Paolo stopped the engine and dropped the anchor over the side.

Walking back to where I was sitting he held out his hands to me. Standing in front of him I slowly slipped the straps of my dress down from my shoulders. I held my breath as he stood there, his hands slowly caressed my warm skin. Then he lent forward and pulled me towards him kissing my neck and face before his hot lips found my waiting mouth. My lips throbbed as our kissing became more frenzied and when I thought that I couldn’t bear to wait any longer he took the cushions from the seats and lay them down for me on the deck. Closing my eyes I held him as our bodies moved in time to the gentle rocking of the boat.

Afterwards laying there against the unused fishing nets, quietly watching Paolo getting a bottle of wine from the cooler I realised what I have been missing all these months. I missed the touch of a man's hands on my body and the passion that only love making can bring. For the first time in a very long time I felt alive.

I suppose that I should be ashamed to tell you all this and admit that I wasn't even thinking about Martin or the girls. I just lay back contentedly, still tingling from our unhurried love making, sipping my wine and listening to the sounds of the sea.

With the sun warming my upturned face I felt utterly relaxed and not even a little bit guilty. I knew that I should. I knew that if Martin ever found out it would be the end of our marriage.

Martin wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of me being with anybody else. Let’s face it he mightn’t want me but I am damn sure he wouldn’t anybody else to want me either.

It may sound strange but being here with Paolo has made me regret even more what Martin and I have become. A marriage without love is no marriage at all. I miss the relationship that Martin and I used to have. Not just in the bedroom, I miss the little things that we all take for granted, the hugs at the end of a hard day or even just having him holding my hand when we are walking along.

Don't get me wrong, I don’t regret this afternoon but, and this is a big but, I have realised lying here that I don’t want to wreck my marriage either.

‘Flees, I’m sorry but we should be going back soon, it is getting late and my brother will be waiting for the boat’

‘I know Paolo’ I sighed ‘I suppose that I don't want this afternoon to end. It's just that out here, on the water, everything seems so simple. Out here I am just Fliss, not somebody’s wife or mother’ I turned to look at him ‘I’m just me.

‘We will, how do you say it?’ Paolo paused trying to find the right word ‘ be discreet back in the village’

‘Don’t worry’ I laughed ‘I am not some kind of love struck teenager. I think that we are both old enough to realise that this afternoon has been a bit of a dream but as soon as we are back on dry land we will return to real life’

‘Real life isn’t always so good, I think’ he said sadly

‘No, not always’ I agreed ‘but what is the alternative?’

Paolo turned away from me and started the boat’s engine. Standing there staring at his strong deeply tanned back I knew then that the moment was lost. Our beautiful fairy tale moment was over and heading back to the shore, the sun didn’t seem to shine quite so brightly anymore.

***

Later as I pulled up outside the villa I suddenly realise with horror that I can’t remember the journey home. I must have been driving on autopilot for god's sake! Leaving Paolo alone on the beach was one of the hardest things I have ever done. If only life was like a Mills and Boon novel, we would have walked off together into the sunset without a care.

But real life isn’t like that. Real life is making the beds, cooking supper, playing with the grandchildren and being with Martin.

‘Get it out of your system did you?’

I jumped, I hadn’t see Martin sitting beside the pool.

‘Get what out of my system’ I ask walking towards him.

‘Well, you must admit you were in a very funny mood earlier. Where have you been all afternoon?’ he asks, putting down the notes he’s been reading

‘Just down to that little cove we used to go to. You know, the one with the cantina at the end of the beach’

‘The drive must have done you good’ he said putting his reading glasses away in their leather case ‘did the sea air clear your head then?’

I smiled and turned towards the door.

‘Yes darling, things are a lot clearer now’

‘Thank God for that. If there’s time I might go down to the club for a few holes of golf before supper’

‘You’ve plenty of time. I want to have a shower before I start cooking’

‘Jolly good, I’ll see you about eight then?’ He asks as he collects his clubs from the games room.

‘Yes, eight will be fine’ I answer as I walk across the patio.

I know that I should feel guilty but the truth is I don’t. I'm all alone now and staring into the long mirror in the hallway I slip the straps from my shoulders for the second time today. As my dress falls away I can see that all the exercising and dieting is beginning to pay off and running my hands down my sun warmed skin I smile as I realise that for once, there are no white strap marks on my bare shoulders.

I wonder if Martin will notice.